The night we got locked
Gather round young people and I’ll tell you a tale
It will entertain, no chance it will fail
Of an evening some years back that quite simply ROCKED
The night me and Harry, my best mate, got locked!
It was on a Friday, at five in the evening
Two hours in Malloy’s, no sign of us leaving
Spouting out bollix, talking the shite
You’d have to agree, great start to the night.
From there we decided, to move right on down
For further libations out on the town
First guarding ourselves against energy dips
With world standard soakage, of burger and chips.
We reached town quite quickly, about half past seven
And from that time on, where in drinker’s heaven
Pints and shorts, bottles galore
Acting like kids in a candy store.
As time moved on we left the pubs
And graduated then on to nightclubs
Shots and cocktails on the menu
Expensive fodder I can tell you.
But it was worth it, the man confesses
The lovely ladies, skimpy dresses
Giving looks on the dance floor
We joined in, need I say more.
By this time though, we were so drunk
Our dancing style was free-form junk
Still, two you ladies were amused
Can’t tell why, we were confused.
They were named Jen and her friend Grace
Supple of body, pretty of face
Closely together, we both did dance
We thought we both were in with a chance.
The music soon finished, the lights turned on bright
Unfortunate Harry was given a fright
He’d seen in the brightness, found to his chagrin
That Jen in reality was ugly as sin.
I on the other, had simply lucked out
Grace was a beauty, there was no doubt
And hand in hand walked back to her place
A great big ol’ grin upon my fat face.
I was there in Grace’s until the next day
By then for my excess, I’d started to pay
Shuffling in agony, the long walk of shame
Then a dark room and bed, to sleep off my pain.
Harry, the trooper, had stayed with her friend
But was joyed by the stuff she did in the end
Years later, no lying, he married that girl
They get up to stuff that will make your head swirl.
So that was our tale of the night on the lash
I hope you don’t find it too crude or rash
And the next time you go out until all hours
You will end it as sweetly as we both did ours.