The night we got locked

by joetwo

Gather round young people and I’ll tell you a tale

It will entertain, no chance it will fail

Of an evening some years back that quite simply ROCKED

The night me and Harry, my best mate, got locked!


It was on a Friday, at five in the evening

Two hours in Malloy’s, no sign of us leaving

Spouting out bollix, talking the shite

You’d have to agree, great start to the night.


From there we decided, to move right on down

For further libations out on the town

First guarding ourselves against energy dips

With world standard soakage, of burger and chips.


We reached town quite quickly, about half past seven

And from that time on, where in drinker’s heaven

Pints and shorts, bottles galore

Acting like kids in a candy store.


As time moved on we left the pubs

And graduated then on to nightclubs

Shots and cocktails on the menu

Expensive fodder I can tell you.


But it was worth it, the man confesses

The lovely ladies, skimpy dresses

Giving looks on the dance floor

We joined in, need I say more.


By this time though, we were so drunk

Our dancing style was free-form junk

Still, two you ladies were amused

Can’t tell why, we were confused.


They were named Jen and her friend Grace

Supple of body, pretty of face

Closely together, we both did dance

We thought we both were in with a chance.


The music soon finished, the lights turned on bright

Unfortunate Harry was given a fright

He’d seen in the brightness, found to his chagrin

That Jen in reality was ugly as sin.


I on the other, had simply lucked out

Grace was a beauty, there was no doubt

And hand in hand walked back to her place

A great big ol’ grin upon my fat face.


I was there in Grace’s until the next day

By then for my excess, I’d started to pay

Shuffling in agony, the long walk of shame

Then a dark room and bed, to sleep off my pain.


Harry, the trooper, had stayed with her friend

But was joyed by the stuff she did in the end

Years later, no lying, he married that girl

They get up to stuff that will make your head swirl.


So that was our tale of the night on the lash

I hope you don’t find it too crude or rash

And the next time you go out until all hours

You will end it as sweetly as we both did ours.