Insulting

by joetwo

I could be more insulting

I could tell you how ugly you are

That you have the aesthetic qualities of dog vomit

That you can break mirrors with your smile

That when you were born the doctors didn’t know which end to smack

I could say all that, but I won’t

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I could be more insulting

I could refer to your incompetence

That a trained chimp could do better than you

And probably smell better too

That you could fuck-up opening an envelope

I might say that, but I won’t

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I could be more insulting

I could mention how stupid you are

How you put pond life to shame

That you’d lose a battle of wits with a carrot

Or that we’re amazed you can walk and breathe at the same time

I’d consider saying that, but I won’t

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I could be more insulting

I could talk about your weight

That when you fall, the ground gets out of the way

Or that when you dive in the sea, the pacific gets a tsunami warning

How our local has a cattle trough just for you

I think about saying that, but I won’t

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I could be more insulting

I could say you look like you’ve been dragged through a shitty hedge, backwards

That you dance like an electrocuted squirrel

That your chat up lines could put a vulture off it’s food

That your cooking’s a human rights violation

I could say all of that, but I won’t

Because I’m a nice guy

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