What For

by joetwo

One evening I was sitting
My eyes idly flitting
And I thought it would be fitting
To visit my local store

They have great goods a plenty
For both commoner and Gentry
But is guarded by a sentry
Whose half human, half wild boar

And due to a brief mishap
Which I’ve no desire to recap
The guard wants to break my knee cap
If I’m caught just one time more

But finances can be tricky
And when hungry one’s not picky
So with fingers somewhat sticky
I arrive within the store

I stroll past aisles and freezers
By the geriatric geezers
Sucking chocolate off Maltesers
Leaving there the honey core

And I can be a smart boy
See I brought along a decoy
My second cousin called Roy
Whose annoying to the fore

He’s loud and really prying
Saint Peter’d find him trying
Questions until you’re crying
And spread eagled on the floor

Imagine my sweet delight
When I noticed the sight
Of old Roy going just right
To the guard beside the door

Questions started rolling
From my cousin’s constant trolling
The guard’s eyes started lolling
Like I’d seen so much before

The guard’s eyes did deaden
His face began to redden
And I thought that we were heading
For a moment of great gore

And sure enough he broke
His inner fire awoke
He took a mighty stroke
And knocked roy to the floor

Then everybody screamed
I was better than I dreamed
And quick enough it seemed
He was dragged out of the door

So there’s the route to go
When dealing with a foe
Just send someone you know
They can’t help to give what for