joe2poetry

Poetry from a Dublin Scientist

Category: limericks

Limericks 080916

I once met a dog on the street

On the lookout for something to eat

It had caught on the breeze

The Aroma of Cheese

But alas it was only my feet

##

A mayor did cavort his caboose

But when caught had a unique excuse

“See I have to look nice

For my ladies of vice

So I’m the best dressed man you can choose.”

 

 

 

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Limericks 12/04/16

Upon landing in Chile*

A lady beside me did say

“If there’s an Earthquake

And your home starts to shake

Get the hell out sans delay.”

*************

*(FYI… Over here they Pronounce it Chilay)

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If there was one thing for which I would wish

It would be a huge tank for my fish

And just for a lark

Perhaps a shark

That will find all the rest real delish

Limericks 18/12/14

A fellow who I once knew
Would always say “How do you do?”

Then stick out a fist
Of muscle and grist
To shake the life out of poor you

A man of exceptional wealth
Was getting concerned for his health
Said he “The rotting of cash
May lead to a rash
And discomfort around the belt

A husband and bit of a slob
Was always yapping his gob
“Enough” said his wife
As she held up a knife
“Or I’ll shove this right up in your knob”

Limericks 29/10/14

Last night I spotted a mouse
On the bottom floor of my house
It showed no fear
And came quite near
As I nervously listened to Strauss

A old lady once made a fuss
While queuing to wait for the bus
Said she “I’ve no money to pay
But it’s raining all day
And my hair is a terrible muss!”

Limericks 08/10/13

I once caught a very large fish

Who granted whatever I’d wish

I was quite peckish

So I thought it delish

To have him served up as a dish

#

A parrot I owned used to curse

Saying “dammit” and “bugger” and worse

Once it didn’t get fed

And quick off it sped

Shouting language quite perverse

Limericks 25/09/13

When fine ladies my good friend Steve spies
We all can quite quickly surmise
That by half-eleven
Steve will be in heaven
Stuck snugly between her two thighs

A DJ soon threw all pretense
Of ever speaking any sense
And spoke to a balloon
About cows on the moon
On the subject he was quite intense

A senator came to our school
And told us it was pretty cool
That he gets a good wage
To shout in a rage
And generally sound like a fool

Oversized

The Queen had an oversized throne
“It’s much too big” she’d moan
So they hacked at each leg
Back to the peg
Left a stool to get up on her own

image

Dinner

A devious old pitcher plant
Said to the brash young ant
“Step into my bell
It’s really quite swell
You won’t want to leave I grant!”

image

Limericks 14/03/13

I arrived in the US of A
And I went for a food bill to pay
They said do not slip
To leave them a tip
So I said “Blake in the fifth, two way”
#
When off for a dinner so good
I ate far more food than I should
They said “If you gobble all that
Then you’re bound to get fat
You won’t fit in the clothes that you should.
#
For Paddy’s day I’ll be back home
So around Dublin city I’ll roam
I might watch the parade
And give tourists some aid
Saying “That’s no leprechaun, that’s a gnome!”

Limericks 24/02/13

I once knew a fellow called Jake
Who bought himself a pet snake
It started eating rats
Graduated to cats
And soon enough it ate Jake
#
I once had a mate called Melvin
Who had a good line in Shelving
He’d drill them in tall
Sure they’d not fall
Because he did the right delving
#