The phantom shitter
by joetwo
Later one evening, while using the phone
I felt a strong urge to visit the throne
Communing with nature, as some would put it
To put it succinctly, go take a shit
From the feel my stomach, there was some alarm
So I stocked a newspaper stuffed under my arm
Turned to my colleagues and said with a smile
“If anyone’s looking, I may be a while”
I went to the room at the end of the hall
And proceeded straight to my favourite stall
I found to my joy that the door was unlocked
But with horror I realised the toilet was blocked
Water flowed from the bowl, and dripped down like rain
THE PHANTOM SHITTER HAD STRUCK YET AGAIN!
Who is this fiend, this pantomime villain
Who can’t use the jacks without it all spillin
Who when taking a whiz will constantly miss
Oh, where in the world where they taught to piss?
Too much in a hurry to forget to flush
Stuffs in the paper ’till it forms a grey mush
This cretin, this monster, not one bit house proud
I curse their name daily, with venom, and loud
We should keep a vigil, make watch till relief
Is found from this bastard who’s causing us grief
Name them and shame them, Let all people know
Who is the source of the mess that’s on show
But they are untraced, unknown who it is
So they are left free to miss when they whiz
And though that day, I found a clean stall
When I walked back along the hall
I kept up a thought, filled with pain
That the Phantom shitter may yet strike again
Hah…*smiles* 😆 … lol 🙂 Hope he’s caught. And by the way, your tags for this post are hilarious. Funny poem, Joe…a little scatological humor never hurt anybody, especially when its written as funnily as you have written it. Vivid imagery. What a situation…I can just see that toilet overflowing…
I hope he is caught soon too. Four toilets on our floor are down as of this evening. This is unacceptable!
He can’t be shitting THAT much…four times in one evening…?!??Who has that much shit inside of them??? There may be more than one phantom shitter…or else he’s going around deliberately jamming all four toilets…or has really bad diarrhea…one or the other… 😉
I’m sure the maintenance people who have to fix the toilets and clean up after this guy are just as eager to catch him as you are…
It was a gradual process, each day another was taken down leading to the situation as I described it. The cleaners were there in the last hour so they are clear again but it is only a matter of time, before the phantom strikes again.
Oh, my, such vivid imagery ( a little messy, perhaps), but awesome poem, Joe! I also love your tags and I am chuckling, indeed! 🙂
And you know what? He’s after striking again.
🙂