The phantom shitter

by joetwo

Later one evening, while using the phone

I felt a strong urge to visit the throne

Communing with nature, as some would put it

To put it succinctly, go take a shit

From the feel my stomach, there was some alarm

  So I stocked a newspaper stuffed under my arm

Turned to my colleagues and said with a smile

“If anyone’s looking, I may be a while”

I went to the room at the end of the hall

And proceeded straight to my favourite stall

I found to my joy that the door was unlocked

But with horror I realised the toilet was blocked

Water flowed from the bowl, and dripped down like rain

THE PHANTOM SHITTER HAD STRUCK YET AGAIN!

Who is this fiend, this pantomime villain

Who can’t use the jacks without it all spillin

Who when taking a whiz will constantly miss

Oh, where in the world where they taught to piss?

Too much in a hurry to forget to flush

Stuffs in the paper ’till it forms a grey mush

This cretin, this monster, not one bit house proud

I curse their name daily, with venom, and loud

We should keep a vigil, make watch till relief

Is found from this bastard who’s causing us grief

Name them and shame them, Let all people know

Who is the source of the mess that’s on show

But they are untraced, unknown who it is

So they are left free to miss when they whiz

And though that day, I found a clean stall

When I walked back along the hall

I kept up a thought, filled with pain

That the Phantom shitter may yet strike again